This was a DEVASTATING year. I dropped 43 lbs and started losing a ton of hair due to the stress and anxiety that was to be the most confusing year ever. My ex-husband became a distant memory. My daughter went through major mental challenges and went to the depths of dispair...cutting, lying, manipulation and thoughts of suicide. It was a lot of work but I see her turning herself around. I started dating the same sex out of loneliness and found out it's much better to be alone than to deal with the emotional ups and downs and lack of integrity that I found there. While I started learning about myself, I some how LOST myself in the process. I made unwise decisions that will forever change the way I view people and the life around me. Trust, honesty and integrity are key components that I shall forever seek in others and myself. I loaned my life savings to someone who lied to me and I wonder if I will ever see it again. We went through the worst financial hardship we have ever had to deal with. Anxiety and stress became so intense that sleep was unheard of but pain in the chest was the one thing that let me know I was still alive...and not happy about it. But, here it is the end of the year and I'm making better decisions. There is only one way up and I'm counting on God to pull me up from this hell. One thing I can be certain of is that no matter how bad I may feel or how hard life is, there are others that have it worse and I need to thank God that I'm alive and that I have an opportunity each and every day to start anew.

Well, 2007 was uneventful. I was ill for a good portion of it. I made the mistake of letting my ex too far back into my life and then of course, made myself available to being hurt. And of course, that is exactly what happened. At least, it finally killed the last of the feelings I had for him. Took me 15 years, but at least the impossible finally happened.

I eventually met someone special but the relationship was against my beliefs and hard on my daughter, so I had to eventually say, "Let's Just Be Friends." The killing words. Thankfully, we hadn't been seeing each other but a few weeks. I'm sure we will always be friends though. At least, I hope so. We had some incredible moments and memories that will have to last me a lifetime.

Katie returned to public school at Christmas time and immediately made a handful of friends. Which is wonderful because she's always been a bit of a loner like her Mom.

Christmas was uneventful...Katie spent it with friends and I took down the tree two days before the holiday. It was actually a good time to do some soul searching and get back into writing. Since I hadn't broke up with my friend yet, the next week after Christmas was VERY nice. Lots of laughter and good times. Incredible memories for which there were pictures to put in a scrapbook. They would have been treasured forever.

Sadly enough, 2007 was also about losing people that had been in our lives for a long time. Katie lost her adopted Grandfather to lung cancer and we also lost a dear friend, Oscar. The positive thing is that now, Oscar is with the love of his life in heaven. He waited a long time to be with her.

Let's see, in 2007 we also made a nice friend. He's a massage therapist and he's been so kind to give me massages now and again and even took us canoing last summer. That was the most exciting event for the summer. We're still trying to find him a nice girlfriend. So, if any single women read this, let me know if you'd like to meet a nice guy who gives lots of backrubs. :-)

Matthew 5:25-34 Do Not Worry

25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

28 "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

This year was a tough one.  One I didn't even want to write down and be reminded of...but, nobody likes gaps...torn pages out of diaries only make you wonder...what was missing?  I guess 2006 marked the second major life change...In 96 when Bob died, I knew the exact moment when all my childish naivity had disappeared and I was suddenly all grown up.  I realized the harsh realities of losing someone I deeply loved and knowing that they would never be coming back.  I thought I would never recover but many years later, I did.  And now, I look back and thank God for getting me through the storms.  Well, the end of 2005 created a whole new change in my life. 

My ex and I started speaking six weeks after the divorce and eventually, started dining out and watching movies together.  The next thing I knew, I moved Katie and I back to Bend.  We moved into a cute apartment and tried to carve out a life for ourselves.  The problem was, my ex was only 10 miles away.  And he wanted to pickup where we had left off.  It became too easy to depend on each other and the last thing I ever wanted was to depend on him again as my feelings had changed.  I could never feel the same about him no matter how hard I tried.  Instead, I kept stuffing the anger, resentment and hurt deep down inside to the point that I gained 20 pounds in two weeks and watched my health decline.  I spent so much of 2006 in bed.  Katie wasn't doing much better as she was hanging over the toilet half the time because she had a reaction to a chemical in the new carpet of our apartment. 

We had so many plans to go camping and do all kinds of fun things once we moved to Bend but because we were so ill it didn't happen.  However, we did make a trip to the beach with our friends from Washington and just before school started, we took a trip to California.  And because we didn't have a Christmas the year before, our tree went up on Nov. 2.  Through Christmas morning the spirit was there but Katie ended up going to spend time with her Grandma and I had a bad head cold. 

Katie got a really bad scare Christmas day.  While visiting with Grandma and her friends, her Papa collapsed in Katie's arms.  He had a stroke; part of the effects of lung cancer.

Let's see, 2006 also became the year that Katie and I learned to eat healthy and start exercising.  Katie no longer turned her nose up at fish and exercise and dieting became my new best friend.  Resentfully at first... :-)  Unfortunately, since I was still stuffing my feelings, the pounds were not about to come off.  I realized that I had to make some decisions...no matter how difficult they were to be.  I knew I had to learn to let go and let God.

So far this year, I have had a battle with my relationship with Christ. Not a bad battle, just I am having a chance to really recognize how much He has been there helping me through-out my life. I am so thankful. When I feel unloved or lonely, I know that if I just stop and concentrate on Him, I'm okay. He's always there with a hand on my back offering me love and encouragement just as a parent to a child who needs a boo boo kissed. While this is different for me, and perhaps may make you feel a little odd, I want to offer my help and encouragement if you have not received Christ as your savior or are in a low point in your life. Please know, you always have a friend. I will happily pray with you. Please do not feel shy or timid for we are all unworthy when it comes to God. It's His Grace that saved us and bridges that gap.

I have a new car this year and someone has already hit it and of course, left without even leaving a note. I've already had it repaired. I sure have been having a streak of bad luck with vandelism to my cars. Maybe God is trying to tell me I should start riding my bike more. :-)

It's been a rough winter weather-wise. Lots of snow and just when we think it's over with and the snow melts...it snows again. Woke up to three inch snowflakes this morning. I have my first cold in a few years and it has moved into my chest so I have a singing voice of a frog. Do you think God still considers it lovely? Maybe this is the time He would like me to pay my respects "quietly." :-)

I had no interest in science when I was in school. Now I have a strong interest in astronomy. I think it's wonderful that they have landed Rover on Mars. However, I am especially thrilled that they have found another planet just like Earth. It has air, water, etc. Do not know about life yet. Unfortunately, it is light years away and we'll probably never make it there in this lifetime. But, stranger things have happened. I am excited about any of the prospects as it just shows how much is out there yet to be explored. The glory of God seems to be endless.

Katie's grades slipped last quarter at school due to the new educational teaching guidelines. Even the teacher doesn't agree with the new system of teaching but she is paid to do what she is told. I'm having to work with her a lot more than before on assignments and she is miserable and tired. I have considered removing her from the public school system again but have decided I will let her finish out this year. I will definitely leave the option open for homeschooling next year though. The quality of her education is very important to me. I just hope that the government can get it together so that the children do not continue to suffer. Katie had a fun birthday party and I'll be adding pics of the party to her website. Look for the changes.

Katie is in the third grade. She's doing great. We started with home-schooling but she has returned to public school and is having a great time. She is active in Awanas and Good News and is learning what it means to have Christ as her savior. She is looking forward to being baptized. Due to surgery on the 14th of November, I am no longer able to have more children. It was a difficult but necessary decision. And now that it is done, I think it was best. In fact, I hate to say it, but women...I recommend it if you are though having children. It's amazing how better you feel. Three days after the surgery some nice guy decided to break into my car and steal my stereo. Bummer! All in all, life is good because God is great! This year, it has been about trying to stay focused on what really counts...God, family and friends.

Katie is in the second grade and is riding her bike without training wheels like a real pro. She loves P.E. and has a lot of friends this year. Her education seems to be a breeze. I am considering home schooling to give her a little more challenge. It took us a while to get our smiles since the separation and divorce but I think we have finally adjusted. We are looking forward to Christmas. This year, the tree will be smaller as we are cramped for space. But, we will decorate with our usual gusto which includes saying what it is we are thankful for during this last year with each ornament we put on the tree. And this year, we will get back to making a birthday cake for Christ. It was a difficult year for us both, but especially for Katie. Last year the adjustment to a new school and the break-up of her family was so disturbing. But, this year she has friends galore and has learned that even though there are only two, we're still a family. And we share lots of love. However, as my best friend has pointed out, she is quick to adopt and claim anyone as a relative. :-) There are no little families in Katie's eyes...everyone is related.